I Might Have Spoken Too Soon Yesterday

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Remember in yesterday’s post where I was complaining that my strep throat symptoms were returning after a couple days that were largely symptom-free? Remember how I got really concerned that I was getting sick all over again?

Yeah, about that.

This morning I woke up largely symptom-free again.

I have no clue what happened yesterday. It was like a glitch in the Matrix, an unexplained anomaly that just so happened to be a 24-hour relapse. I’m much better today.

Weird.

Today’s post is going to be short because I don’t really have that much to write about. The great reinstallation project on the laptop is finally done, but that’s about all I got.

Tomorrow and Friday, however, have the potential to be awesome posts. Just saying. Stay tuned for more on that, well … tomorrow and Friday.

I Might Have Spoken Too Soon

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So, my throat is sore again.

I was doing very well, hadn’t had sore throat problems for days, and now it’s coming back. This is somewhat concerning, since I’ve been on antibiotics since Thursday night, and there was supposed to be a noticeable improvement within 24 hours.

I don’t think I’ve caught it again from somewhere, at least, I hope I haven’t. I’d hate to have to go through a second round of antibiotics to get rid of a recurring case of strep.

My energy level is somewhat less than it was yesterday as well, but I was decidedly more energetic yesterday than I’ve been in a long time. I was dozing off and on from 6:30 when I got out of bed for my back to 11:00 or so. Now that I’m awake, I’m feeling like being productive, but this sore throat is causing a tickle that’s sending me into coughing jags from time to time, the hard ones that kind of shake you for a couple minutes.

I hate feeling under the weather. I already feel kind of impotent in a way during a regular day, but tack on feeling bad on top of that and my mood tends to plummet. Fortunately, my mood seems to be fine so far. It’s not as rosy as it was yesterday, but it’s better than it’s been in the recent past.

I’m sucking on Smith Brothers’ Warm Apple Pie Warming Throat Drops. If you can find the things, they’re amazing for a sore throat, and taste fantastic. I have to be careful, since they’re basically pure sugar, but one of them every couple hours won’t be a problem. They have little droplets of cinnamon suspended in them, and the cinnamon surprisingly helps.

Can’t remember if I mentioned this, but both my wife and I have replaced our gaming drives in our laptops. I downgraded from a solid state drive to a hybrid drive, and she upgraded from a regular optical hard drive to the hybrid. Both of us are getting more space. The downside to this is that everything needs to be reinstalled, but that project, at least on my end, is going well. I should be done sometime tomorrow, I would think.

That’s about all I have for today. Sorry for the stream of consciousness post today. I’ll try to be a little more thematic tomorrow.

Bargaining With Ourselves

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Today’s going to be another short post, partially because I’m exhausted and really want to go lie down and partially because I can’t really think of anything earth-shattering to share.

My wife and I are still trying to recover from strep throat. We’re no longer contagious, thank goodness, and our symptoms are starting to lessen, but we’re both exceptionally fatigued still.

Sunday is kind of a work day for us here. Sunday’s the day we do our grocery shopping for the week and also the day that we do laundry. More often than not, there’s also cooking done to prep for the week ahead. Today we have all that do to, plus other assorted errands, in addition to the work we’re doing in repopulating the new hard drives. Problem is, that’s an awful lot to do in a day’s time, and we’re more fatigued than usual today. I’ve been for a nap twice today; my wife just went down for her second one as well, and I’m going to join her soon after writing today’s blog entry.

We’ve found ourselves trying to bargain away things to be done – what if we cut laundry (which, we admit, we’ve gotten a little behind on) down to the bare minimum of what needs to be done for the week? What if we put laundry off until tomorrow night, or possibly Tuesday? Can we put off the cooking prep for another night? There’s a good part of me that really wants to just say screw it and let it all slide in favor of just taking it easy, but that’s an impossible thing. Fortunately, the grocery shopping – which HAD to get done – was done earlier today, so that’s out of the way. But it’s getting later and later, and our desire to get all the things done is meeting our symptoms head on, and we’re not really sure which one is going to win out.

Diagnosis and Definitions

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Today’s a two-parter, since I have two completely separate things to talk about today. First, the results of my wife’s (and my) visit to the doctor.

We have strep throat.

We’re now on antibiotics that should help us feel better within 24 hours, but we still have to take two capsules a day for ten days, which is no problem for us, since we are already medicated anyway. So there’s the medical update, Dr. McCoy. (Callback to yesterday’s post, in case you missed it.)


What I really want to talk to you about today is the new book that I’m reading, called Daring Greatly by, once again, Brené Brown. In this book she discusses the subject of vulnerability. I’m still early in the book, but once again, her writing style has proven to be approachable and educational.

Today’s passage dealt with the definitions of four words that are involved with the concept of vulnerability: shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment.

The reason these four words are important is that they’re often used interchangeably, but each has a specific definition that is, as she writes, “much more than semantics.”

I’ve discussed the difference between shame and guilt in this blog before. Shame essentially means “I am bad,” where guilt boils down to “I did something bad.” But what about humiliation and embarrassment?

Humiliation differs from shame because, as Brené quotes Donald Klein in her book, “People believe they deserve their shame; they do not believe they deserve their humiliation.” It’s the difference in saying “I’m an idiot” versus “who is he to talk about me like that, it’s not fair!”

The other important difference between humiliation and shame is that someone that’s experiencing humiliation is less likely to “shut down, act out, or fight back” since they’re not internalizing the triggering statement.

Embarrassment is the least concerning of the four, and the thing which sets embarrassment apart from the others is the realization that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing, that there are others that have done the same thing or very close to it, and you’re eventually going to let it go. It will pass rather than manifest into destructive self-talk. In time, the situation might even become humorous and the source of a great story to share with friends.

Being able to transfer shaming situations into situations of guilt is a sticking point for me right now, and it’s an important one – it’s a considerable portion of why I’m on disability, because any negative situation immediately turns to shame in my mind and I turn that into obsessive thoughts and eventually self-destructive behaviors. I need to be able to turn shame into guilt or humiliation or preferably embarrassment in real time rather than doing it months or years or even decades down the line. (An embarrassing situation in fourth grade haunted me as shame into my 40s, until I finally turned it into embarrassment.)

I think this needs to be brought up in my next therapy session. It seems like this might be one of the keys to getting back to work. That’s an encouraging thought.