I went to drop my wife off at work, I went home, I went to algebra, I went home, I went to pick my wife up, I went home, I went to biology, I went home.
Today basically came and went.
(The screaming headache I have says this is all you get tonight. I will take the time tomorrow to write a little more about what’s actually been going on with me. There’s not that much to tell, honestly, but tomorrow is going to be a little different – my first therapy appointment since switching to a once-monthly schedule.)
I have a splitting headache all of a sudden and that’s making me more tired than I already am, so I’m writing just long enough to say that I’ll see you guys later.
Today I spent a good portion of the day studying for a biology quiz I have tomorrow night and working on a take-home quiz that I have in algebra. There was a fair amount of goofing off and napping today, however, and the day felt particularly well-balanced. I got a lot of things done around the house, I spent some time in Secret World Legends, I chatted with friends. It was a good day.
It’s not ending on a good note, however. A massive headache came on all of a sudden and now my head is throbbing. I hate headaches.
To be fair, they’re not as bad as they were when I was living in Illinois. There was a point in time where I was on seven different medications designed to either prevent the headaches from coming in the first place, minimize their impact on me, or deal with the pain once they showed up. For a period of a few years, I was getting headaches four or five times a week. They were interfering with my ability to sleep, they made it very difficult to do much of anything, and the worst part was there wasn’t really anything they could do about them. My neurologist diagnosed me with “chronic headache of unspecified origin” because my headaches had the secondary symptoms of both migraine and cluster headaches without the hallmark primary symptoms of either one, hence the unbelievable cocktail of pharmaceuticals I was on.
I remember one morning at about 6:30 I had a pure cluster headache. It was the worst pain I’d ever been in. I remember pacing the hallway in our apartment wailing because of how badly it hurt, and the wailing would make it worse, and being quiet would make it worse, and everything was making it worse. I also remember taking a mental inventory of everything in the place that was potentially lethal and dismissing all of them as being too slow. Despite all my years of dealing with mental illness it is the closest I’ve ever actually come to suicide. And less than an hour after it suddenly showed up it was gone just as quickly, leaving me with a hangover headache – a low, dull ache that felt like my brain was exhausted.
I don’t know what’s different, but I’m glad that I don’t have headaches like that anymore. The battery of medications is all gone, and apart from Tylenol I don’t take anything for my headaches anymore. They also are much less frequent, and much less painful when they occur. Tonight is something of a rare occurrence. The Tylenol will kick in before long, and my pain will begin to ease off, and then I can think about getting some sleep.
Tonight’s a school night.
Today’s going to be a short post, because I’m tired and I put it off until the last minute and I haven’t felt well today at all.
Today I did as little as possible while a headache has grown in intensity throughout the day. As I write this my head is throbbing. And pain relievers haven’t touched it all day.
My thought is that it’s being caused by the barometric pressure change that’s in front of Hurricane Harvey, which means it’s going to be there until he finally passes overhead a few days from now.
I hope that it’s over by the end of the weekend. I would prefer for my first day at school to be a dry one.
This afternoon we went to a barbecue put on by some friends of ours. We saw a few mutual friends that we already knew, a few that we hadn’t met yet, and one that we haven’t seen in years and years. The food was great – pulled pork and coleslaw bagel sliders, pork ribs, sausages, a phenomenal corn dish made with corn, cream cheese, and garlic, and other assorted munchies. The food was fantastic and the company was awesome. The plan was to eat and then throw water balloons at one another and then retire inside for a game or three of Cards Against Humanity. We carried our new, improved Bigger Blacker Box that contains about 90% of the entire CAH line.
Things started coming undone when the bottom fell out and made the water balloons superfluous. All we needed to do to get a proper drenching was just go stand outside for a few seconds, and we’d be soaked to the bone. It was mentioned that of course it rained now that water balloons were purchased for the occasion.
The other thing that affected me and my wife is the bad headache that I started coming down with shortly after we started eating. I tried to tough it out as best as I could, but it just wasn’t having any of my socialization nonsense, despite taking something to combat it. So we said our farewells, left the Bigger Blacker Box for them to enjoy, and headed home.
I hate that we had to leave early. I was enjoying myself and feeling very comfortable being social, which my regular readers know is a recent thing. Just two months ago I would have hidden in the house and done anything I could to keep from being social. My therapy is really producing results, and they are assisted by finally getting me on an effective medication regimen. The capstone on the recovery is the stuff that I’m learning in The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Sixth Edition by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. While I’m in the process of giving the whole book a once-through read before really starting to get in-depth with the recommended exercises, even this first reading is revealing a lot of new techniques and mindsets that are helping me a great deal.
It was mentioned to me recently by a friend that my normal seems pretty normal these days, and I’d have to agree. I haven’t had a bad day in a couple months, perhaps even longer. I hope this trend continues. I could really get used to a more normal normal.
My radio station family is growing!
We’ve brought two new DJs on board. One is a longtime listener who’s been working to become a DJ for years, and I’m thrilled that he finally made it. The other is a newcomer to the community, so I don’t know that much about him, only that he’s got experience with another station and is glad to have a new radio gig.
Tonight is the debut of one of our new DJs, the former longtime listener. I’m really looking forward to hearing him and seeing what he can do.
On the mental health side of things, this morning started with an immediate irrational disassociation that led to a verbal spar. Took us a while to recover from it, but we eventually did. I’m still a little on edge and probably overthinking everything I do to prevent a return to the elevated voices and irrational statements, but so far nothing’s happened since we calmed down this morning. And to top it all off, I have a screaming headache – again. So I’ll be listening to our new guy tonight but likely going to keep it kinda quiet.
Today’s going to be really short, since I’m fighting a migraine that just won’t let up. (The prevalent thought is that it’s actually a caffeine headache, since I’ve only had one cup of coffee all day, whereas at this point in the day I’d usually be on cup four or even five.)
I just ordered the keyboard covers for the laptops to try and avoid another incident with liquid getting inside the keyboard. They should be delivered either Wednesday or Thursday. Here’s hoping they’re as thin as advertised and will fit the laptop even with the lid closed. I do know they’re custom designed for our specific keyboards, so hopefully that’s a good sign.