Well, That Fell Through

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I had plans to come back today and tell you about the wonderful adventures we went on today, except that when we woke up neither of us had much energy, and our plans would have completely sapped us on a show day, so in the interest of doing the show we’d already programmed, we stayed home.

As our listeners discovered, the plan was to go to the Bullock Museum downtown and see the “Pride & Joy: The Texas Blues of Stevie Ray Vaughan” exhibit that’s only there through tomorrow. My wife is a tremendous SRV fan and the plan was to go see the exhibit this morning and then do an all-SRV show this evening.

She’s fine with missing it, so I’m okay with it. But I wish we’d have known about this sooner than the final weekend so we could have planned better.

The SRV show went on as planned, though, and we had a good listener count for doing a single-act show.

The station is in the process of testing a Discord server as a chat client, and so we were in there as well as the station’s IRC channel tonight. Neither one of us had ever used Discord before, but so far we both seem to like it. Not sure what this is going to mean for the station in the long run, but for right now, we’re inviting listeners to join us over in Discord and let us know what they think about it before making any decisions about its future place with our station.

I really hope to do as little as possible tomorrow. I’m pretty drained from today, even though I didn’t do much. The heat is such that our air conditioning unit struggles in the later afternoon and evening to keep the apartment as cool as we like it. At some points it got up to 78, which is very warm for us. I think the heat has got us pretty worn out, even though we’re not out in the middle of it very long.

All Quiet

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Not much to report on the college front today. I sent an email over to my TWC counselors asking whether they’d be willing to put things on hold for a theoretical move into district, but didn’t hear back from them. At the latest, it’ll be the 27th when I go in that I will hear something.

Not much happening at home either. Spent the morning getting stuff on my checklist done then the afternoon in Secret World Legends doing what amounted to nothing whatsoever, as I had to stop and put the game on pause to program my radio show before I could finish with the map, and logging out without completing the mission erased any progress I’d made. I’ll tackle it again tomorrow if I have time.

I’m tired and ready for the weekend. Looking forward to going to bed, and might even get there early tonight.

Better, But Not One Hundred Percent

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Well, the stomach bug I had yesterday seems to be gone, but I’m still pretty run down from it. I cut a lot of corners yesterday in getting my full marks on my checklists, but today I’m playing catchup and it’s wearing me out. I’ve had some naps during the day, and that helped, but generally I’m kinda pooped.

Got a call from Mom today asking if I wanted to have dinner tonight, and I had to remind her that we’re in Austin once more. She also wanted me to know that I shouldn’t be in an infomercial under any circumstances, because she was and that’s why her back is hurting her today. I played along with what she said, though, except for the part where we couldn’t be there for dinner. She said “maybe this weekend” and I told her we’ll have to see. That much I was able to leave open-ended for now.

I finished Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology today. Excellent read, makes the pantheon much more accessible to the masses than the Eddas do. Each story is its own chapter, and the stories are quite short, so it’s a very easy thing to read a chapter a day. Took me no time to go through it, it felt like, and I’m glad I stuck to a chapter a day.

Still have a lot of stuff left to do tonight so I’m cutting this short today. (It seems like I’ve been doing that a lot. I really need to get a meaty blog post out at some point soon.) Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have more to write about.

Bargaining With Ourselves

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Today’s going to be another short post, partially because I’m exhausted and really want to go lie down and partially because I can’t really think of anything earth-shattering to share.

My wife and I are still trying to recover from strep throat. We’re no longer contagious, thank goodness, and our symptoms are starting to lessen, but we’re both exceptionally fatigued still.

Sunday is kind of a work day for us here. Sunday’s the day we do our grocery shopping for the week and also the day that we do laundry. More often than not, there’s also cooking done to prep for the week ahead. Today we have all that do to, plus other assorted errands, in addition to the work we’re doing in repopulating the new hard drives. Problem is, that’s an awful lot to do in a day’s time, and we’re more fatigued than usual today. I’ve been for a nap twice today; my wife just went down for her second one as well, and I’m going to join her soon after writing today’s blog entry.

We’ve found ourselves trying to bargain away things to be done – what if we cut laundry (which, we admit, we’ve gotten a little behind on) down to the bare minimum of what needs to be done for the week? What if we put laundry off until tomorrow night, or possibly Tuesday? Can we put off the cooking prep for another night? There’s a good part of me that really wants to just say screw it and let it all slide in favor of just taking it easy, but that’s an impossible thing. Fortunately, the grocery shopping – which HAD to get done – was done earlier today, so that’s out of the way. But it’s getting later and later, and our desire to get all the things done is meeting our symptoms head on, and we’re not really sure which one is going to win out.

The Day After Crash

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Well, I knew this was going to happen.

Yesterday was so emotionally charged with the Supreme Court decision that I was riding a high all day long. It took me a while to ease into going to bed.

So far today has been a series of ups and downs, both physically and mentally, and I can only blame my coming down from the excitement of yesterday. I’ve taken three naps as of this writing and estimate a fourth before show time tonight at 7:00 pm local time.

This is a pretty predictable pattern for me, to crash after such a highly emotional, positive day. It happens after SCA events when I go see people I haven’t seen in months or years, it happens after going to the theater to see a movie, and it happens after taking a trip out of town anywhere for any reason. Any time I have something positive happen outside the norm, there’s always a letdown the next day.

I’ve managed most of the things on my checklist, so at least I’m keeping up with that. But it’s wearing me out just to sit and read, so once I post this I’m likely going to lie down again, especially since shows often take a lot out of me. Today is a special “love wins” theme, so I’ll be even more “on” for that, which will wipe me out.

This crash, I’ve discovered, is pretty common in people who suffer from mental illnesses. The positive is a nice little high, and when the positive stops, the high goes away, and depression often sets in to take its place. If we could just fill our lives with those highs, maybe the depression would stay away for a while. Maybe that’s why so many people with mental illness wind up dual diagnosis (mental illness coupled with a drug or alcohol addiction, something I’ve been blissfully free of my entire life, which is why I can only speculate).

Knowing it’s going to happen doesn’t make it any easier. I’m physically and emotionally drained after yesterday and I need a quiet day to recover.

If you can’t tell from my profile picture at my blog’s homepage, I normally wear a Van Dyke beard and a shaved head. Over the past few months I’ve let my Van Dyke grow out and sometime in the past few weeks made the decision to let everything else grow out as well. I look unkempt, and it’s starting to affect my self-esteem. I don’t have the patience for it to grow out to the point it will look good, so to give me something to look forward to, I’m going to wrap up this post and go shave everything but the Van Dyke, and maybe get my wife to shape that up as well, since if I try to shape it up I’m going to wind up with facial hair that looks like it was designed by Salvador Dali.

And if you’re (un)lucky, I might even post a pic when I’m done.

Fatigue and Mental Illness

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I am very tired today.

A good portion of it is my own fault. I got caught up in playing a computer game until 5:30 am and was back up at 7:00 am to meet a deadline in another computer game. I managed to get back to sleep shortly after 8:00 am and was back up around 10:30, so I’ve had a couple of naps instead of a good night’s sleep. Tonight slumber will come early and in great quantity.

The thing is, I’m used to being this tired. My body aches almost all the time, when it’s not outright hurting. (My back has let up over the past couple of nights, so there’s a silver lining.) And this ache brought on by chronic fatigue is common in mental health patients.

As I’ve written about often, I refer back to my checklists that I keep of my activities during the day. As of this writing, they read: vitals, meds, breakfast, hygiene, exercise, stretch, lunch, read, learn, write, to-do, meds, vitals, dinner, meds, leisure, socialize, meds, vitals, good, hygiene, bed. It’s not a big list, especially since my to-do items are usually few in number. They’re there to help me to remember the basics for the day. (Yes, I have to have help in remembering something as basic as hygiene and going to bed at a set time.) It’s not a difficult list, as the most physically taxing of these items is my daily exercise. And yet I find myself skipping exercise and stretching, and often just forgetting about the book after a certain point in the evening because I’m just too tired to bother with keeping track anymore.

The odd thing is that oftentimes insomnia pairs up with fatigue, and it takes me an hour or longer to drift off to sleep at night, even if all I do is lie down, turn out the light, and close my eyes. You can imagine how one situation exacerbates the other.

Thursdays are my most physically taxing days because of the radio show. While it doesn’t take me a ton of effort to put together the show, I have more prepwork do to than just devising a playlist – I run a weekly trivia contest and feature a “This Day In Rock” segment that requires research before the show. Then I have the expenditure of energy that being on the air pulls out of me. I enjoy it, I get a lot out of it, but it wears me out at the end of three hours of having to put the mask in place without a break.

And it’s that radio show that means I don’t get another nap today until after I’m off the air. Already I’m achy all over and there’s little I can do about it until time for bed tonight.

However, I can say that despite the change in sleep schedule I’ve managed to stick pretty close to my checklist today, which is a good thing. I have to admit that a lot of that is simple bullheadedness. I stayed up to get things done. I wanted to go lie down and sleep for a few hours.

Sometimes doing the right thing is exhausting, especially when you aren’t sure whether being productive or listening to your body is the right thing. I guess we’ll find out in about three and a half hours, at the end of my show.