I have a splitting headache all of a sudden and that’s making me more tired than I already am, so I’m writing just long enough to say that I’ll see you guys later.
Right now I’m in a headspace that I haven’t been in for some time.
For starters, today has been spent unsuccessfully fighting a persistent, nagging, unproductive cough left over from the cold. I feel constantly just on the edge of a coughing fit that makes me dizzy and causes pain in my right shoulder during the bad coughing jags. That’s been a wet blanket on my whole day, and honestly there’s nothing I can do about that except continuing to throw cough medicine at it and hope that it works for a while.
I’ve spent half the afternoon and evening being supremely frustrated at my algebra homework, and that’s led me to avoid reaching out to someone for help with what’s got me stumped. My brain’s been telling me “you go see the instructor tomorrow morning anyway, bring it up then” when there are multiple people that have offered to help me with any questions I may have. Continuing to avoid the situation has only served to make me more irritated at myself, which just serves to lock me into place regarding reaching out to someone. To top it all off, I’ve been dealing with someone online that I really dislike, and my mood from earlier has got me feeling quite confrontational – something that anyone that knows me well can tell you is very much not me – which is further aggravating my own anger at myself.
It seems practically everyone and everything is capable of getting under my skin tonight, and I’m apparently leading the charge.
It’s been months since I felt like this. I used to feel this way fairly regularly not that long ago. Since my mental illnesses have subsided in recent months, I’ve been virtually symptom-free, and it’s been glorious. To be going through this now, after such a long time of not experiencing this anger and frustration, feels like a bit of a setback.
I know that what I’m going through is temporary. I know that even though I’ve basically lost most of today in productive study, I’m not quite yet in over my head, although my weekend plans are at risk if I don’t get this resolved quickly. The assignment that I feel so far behind on isn’t due until a week from tomorrow, so there’s time to recover, even though I’ve only barely started the assignment. (Note to self: time management skills are your friend. Use them next time.) Tomorrow morning instead of going into the classroom close to a half hour early, I’ll stop off at my instructor’s office to get things figured out, even though that means admitting I’m pretty much behind schedule. It’s not the end of the world. And my online frustration can be mitigated by not participating in and ignoring the conversation that’s got me so worked up. That’s an easy fix.
So while they’ve taken a little bit of time to get on board, my coping mechanisms are finally in place and my frustration and anger is easing off. Writing this post helped immensely with taking the edge off my emotions. Besides, the evening’s almost over, so it’s time for me to work on unwinding before bed and letting go of all that stuff that’s trying to ruin my day.
Tomorrow is a fresh start. I should be back to normal then.
After taking off the weekend to recover from my cold, I dove back into schoolwork with both feet today. Algebra class went well, and even let out a little early, but for the first time I could not understand what was being covered in class. I’m chalking that up to the fast pace of the class and the copious notes that I take there. I was falling a little behind and it just so happened that my instructor was covering this one concept while I was trying to catch up, and I couldn’t make sense of the process once I’d gotten to that point in the notes. So I stayed after and got him to explain it again, and this time it clicked. It’s a fairly simple process once I understood what’s happening, but since I didn’t know what I was doing, I couldn’t figure it out by just looking at the executed process for a change. (First time that’s happened in class, too.) I came home and with today’s lecture fresh in my mind did the take-home quiz that’s due on Wednesday.
Once I’d finished with the quiz, I took a fairly long break to prep dinner and clean up afterwards. Since Monday and Wednesday nights we only have a window of maybe 45 minutes between the time we get home from picking my wife up at work to the time I need to leave for class, we’re starting to pre-cook dinners for those nights, so the only thing we need to do is heat and go. After that, I started in on my biology homework that’s also due Wednesday. I didn’t get very far, but I got the process started, and now there’s a lot of cleaning up and formatting that has to happen, something I’ll get to tomorrow morning.
Biology tonight was an interesting affair. We started with receiving our most recent quiz. I scored a 9.5/10 on it, which took my overall score in the class to 60/60. (I’m a little proud of that.) I took rather thorough notes tonight, partially because I could make heads or tails out of what my instructor was lecturing about and partially because my study partner was having trouble seeing the board this evening to take notes in our shared document. I told her to take it easy and do what she could, and I’d fill in the blanks when I got home after class. The lecture took a turn for the personal for her. She has a rare disease that’s taken quite a toll on her over the past few years, and one of the examples that our instructor was using seemed to be describing her illness to a T. In the document chat, we got off on a tangent about the progress of research for a treatment/cure, and we postulated what advances might be in the works right now.
I asked my study partner if she wanted me to follow her home after class because of her vision problems, but she assured me that she’d be fine, and that she’d text me when she got home. I came home after that and updated the notes in our shared document as promised, and sent her a text asking her to let me know if she needed anything explained.
The rest of the evening has been goofing off at the computer, and wrapping things up before what I hope will be an early night. I have a lot of schoolwork to do tomorrow. I have the biology homework that’s due on Wednesday to knock out, and then I have to start in on the rest of my algebra homework that I’m terribly behind on and that is doe on the 25th. I’m hoping that I can get most of it done before the weekend, since I have weekend plans all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday, and that’s going to significantly eat into any potential study time that I’d have over those two days. I don’t want to stay home this weekend because of schoolwork.
Today I only had nagging cold symptoms, nothing bad, and I managed to catch a few naps during the day – probably good that I did, since I was up at 4:30 am for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It was a productive day. My wife and I split the workload to get a lot of nagging errands taken care of before the week starts.
It’s going to be another short post, since I’m starting to wind down from the day, but hopefully I’ll have more to write about tomorrow.
I still have a cold. I’ve spent the day in and out of bed, although I was largely symptom-free until later in the evening. Which is good, because I’ve had to take care of my wife, who had to have a tooth pulled this morning.
I like playing nursemaid to her, although she’s not fond of it. She tends to feel that she should be able to do anything she wants up to the brink of death, and it’s sometimes hard to help her with things beyond what I would normally do during the course of a regular day. I have to remind her that if the tables were turned, and I was the one that had the tooth pulled, she’d be telling me to take it easy while trying to stay as pain-free as possible.
I haven’t really done that much beyond what I’d normally do, to be honest. I’ve gotten her pain meds, I’ve refilled her drinks, I made dinner tonight – all things that I’d normally do (to be fair, she usually cooks and I usually clean, but tonight I’m pulling double duty). I think the issue is that she knows she’s not at her best and it frustrates her that I’m doing things because she can’t, not because I’m being nice.
Right now, my nose has slammed shut and my eyes are burning and I can barely see, while her pain is at 2/10, so we’re back to her helping me out. Roles like this change frequently between us, depending on who’s having the worse day. With both of us suffering from multiple mental illnesses, our situation can rapidly turn on a dime, so we have to be prepared to step up and take care of one another.
While she tends to dislike any situation where I’m doing more than she is, it’s a system that has worked for us for many years. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Once again, the day’s basically been lost to the cold. I haven’t really accomplished much of anything today except rest, and even that was sporadic.
This is where I’d usually share some wisdom or insight that I have about life in general, and here is tonight’s tidbit.
Don’t catch cold.
I’m going to medicate myself and go lie down now. Theoretically I have a radio show tomorrow night, but we’ll see how that transpires.
The cold is getting worse. I feel mostly fine, just run down – but my voice is completely gone. I couldn’t do my radio show tonight because of it. I should have spent more time in bed today, although I didn’t really do that much today, so technically I took it easy. But I think tomorrow is going to have me in bed more than I was today. When I stop to think about it, I really do feel unwell, and I should listen to my body when it says to sleep. Which is what it’s doing now, so I’m calling it a night. I doubt I’m going to have much to say tomorrow, but hopefully I’ll be feeling better.