Steady As She Goes

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I had my first follow-up appointment with my new psychiatrist this afternoon. He asked how things were going, and I told him about the event on Saturday – how I didn’t have panic attacks beforehand like I’ve been doing recently, and how I handled the minor panic attack at the event. He said that it sounds like the Zoloft is working as expected to control my anxiety, perhaps even a little bit better than expected, and he said that he was going to keep my meds where they were. He wanted to know if I felt myself wanting to do things that I had been avoiding and I told him that the event on Saturday was my return to an aspect of the SCA that I hadn’t felt up to pursuing in years, so he was pleased to hear that. He inquired about side effects and I told him that I haven’t seen anything. I was honest – not every day is rosy, but very few days are truly down right now, and he commented on how things seem to have turned around for me pretty notably in a short period of time. He advised that the Zoloft still hasn’t reached maximum efficacy, so I might see that similar attacks like the one I had on Saturday are even easier to deal with in another month or two. He asked if there was anything on the horizon that might test the Zoloft at full strength and I told him that I was returning to school in the fall, and that the plan was for me to be working again about this time next year. He was happy to hear that I’m looking forward to school and to getting back to work. He wants to see me again in August, just to follow-up around the time that the Zoloft has well and truly kicked in. All in all, it was a very good appointment.

Taking the Day Off

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Today is Father’s Day, and my wife is making a big deal out of it. She’s done everything she can to allow me to just take it easy, and I appreciate it. Yesterday kinda wiped us both out, unfortunately, so we’ve been content to do as little as possible today. That crosses over to this blog, where today’s post ends right here.

Preparing for Tomorrow

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My wife and I are planning to travel out of town tomorrow for an SCA event. It’s a symposium of classes centered around one aspect of the SCA, and it’s one that I’ve been interested in since my earliest days in the Society.

The trick is, since my mental illnesses have gotten worse, I’ve lost all interest in doing anything active in the SCA. It’s not that the desire isn’t there, it’s that the confidence that I used to have in my abilities has completely gone away, and I’m essentially starting from scratch. And I’ve been terrified of starting from scratch.

This weekend marks the first time since I’ve gotten worse that I’ve expressed any interest in trying to get back into the things that I once loved to do, and my wife is thrilled that I’m taking these first steps. To me, it’s not that big a deal. I don’t anticipate putting what I plan on learning tomorrow to immediate use, so it’s not like I’m actually getting back into anything just yet. I’m just preparing for the day when I’m ready.

Two of the classes that I plan on taking deal with the use of a database to gather and check information, and that means that a laptop is suggested for the class. My main laptop’s battery and keyboard are shot, which means that if I take it, I’m going to have to plug in and carry my wireless keyboard with me. My laptop is pretty cumbersome to carry with all the accessories that I’d need to take with me, so I’m planning on using the 2-in-1 that we had initially purchased to be a broadcast laptop. (It’s an ASUS Taichi. The screen is only 11 inches across on it, which rendered the broadcast software so tiny as to be unreadable, so we had to drop back and punt for broadcasting purposes. It means there’s a spare laptop for us to use just in case.) It should be serviceable for the purposes of the class.

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated Windows 10 on it, however, and I’m in the process of going through what is apparently all the updates. The software that controls my Bluetooth mouse needed updating, Microsoft Office needed updating, and there are several Windows updates that are trying to install as I write this, plus the battery needs a good charge. I plan on taking the power cord for the Taichi, and plugging in if I have the opportunity, but the battery should last long enough to get me through the class if necessary.

The Windows updates are trying my patience. They’re going very slowly, and I’m used to the faster processor on my main laptop. But I have all day to get them done, plus the battery is still charging, so I have nothing but time.

I’m nervous about tomorrow, though. That will likely dissipate once I get to site, but for now, it’s pretty high.

 

Not Every Day is Notable

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Today’s been an exercise in going through the motions. Nothing notable about today. I napped, I played games, I watched movies, I listened to music. No leaps forward in therapy, no epiphanies.

And you know, that’s okay.

Not everything needs to be noteworthy. Sometimes a day is just a day.

It means there’s not much to write about, but hey. At least I made it through another day intact.

Orientation Is a Go

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So I got confirmation this morning that I was cleared to set up my orientation with Austin Community College, although I still have two vaccinations to do between now and the start of the second semester.

I called the adviser, and have an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon to go meet with her and get the lowdown on how to enroll and what books I’ll need. Then I can get that information in the hands of TWC and we can figure out how the books will be acquired.

Today’s been fairly low-key, outside of the flurry of school-related activity. I’ve been working on the summer event in Star Trek Online for a good portion of the day and having fun with that.

On the whole, I’d have to say I’m pleased with the progress I’ve made recently. Hope I can keep up the forward momentum, but it goes without saying that the wrong thing at the wrong time can drastically affect that. I’ve got the tools to minimize anything like that happening, but to be honest, I haven’t felt down in weeks. I’ve not necessarily been up all that time either, but it’s been even keel or better over the past few months. I’m happy with that.

Bending the Rules

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Perhaps not bending them as much as redefining them.

I’ve been very careful through the last few months to write each calendar day in my blog, so there’s not a day that I’ve skipped along the way. Well, I skipped the 12th altogether.

Except that I haven’t been to bed yet, and it’s quarter to one in the morning.

So I’m going to redefine that rule that writing counts so long as it’s done between waking up and going to bed. I recall bending this rule before, so I think doing so tonight won’t be a problem.

Having said that, today’s been a somewhat productive day. I’m trying to determine if I’m far enough in the application process at school to schedule an individual orientation. I sent an email over with two questions, and got a short reply answering one of them. I sent a follow up question back and have yet to hear back on that. I’ll follow that up tomorrow with a phone call, I think. The sooner I can get this process underway the sooner I’ll be able to discuss all the tuition expenses with my TWC liaison.

We watched episode seven of American Gods tonight. I think tonight’s my favorite episode so far. Can’t wait for the season finale next week.