Last post, I detailed the goals that I’ve set with my therapist in order to see They Might Be Giants at the end of March. That reward has pretty much sailed at this point, as I’ve barely done anything that I’m supposed to do in the week and a half between then and now. I’m doing better on all things, but still not achieving the goals that I had set.
I have a tendency to overshoot myself when it comes to goal-setting, especially when it comes to establishing new habits, which these goals are designed to do. I take on multiple changes at once without concentrating on one thing and being able to stick with it for the duration, and the result is not accomplishing anything.
It’s part of my perception of what people expect of me, which tends to be higher than reality. I don’t think my friends are expecting me to do everything all at once, and they would likely much rather see me succeed with one change at a time. I would rather see myself succeed, even if it is one change at a time.
So I’m going to talk to my therapist on Thursday about redefining these goals based on what I think I can actually accomplish. I think honestly my priority needs to be self-care before driving. (This includes things like regularly showering and shaving, the latter of these being something that I tend to put off for a month or more at a time on occasion.) That’s not to say that I won’t be driving, but I piled self-care and driving X number of times in a week and being somewhere where there’s the potential of being a lot of people once a week, and that’s a lot to process all at once, when you’re essentially rebuilding a lot of your habits from scratch. Maybe driving once a week is plenty. Maybe trying to go someplace public once a week rather than definitely doing it. Maybe, just maybe, I should concentrate on making a goal out of one of them and just try to incorporate the others the best I can.
I’m going to beat this thing, to the point that I’m capable of rejoining the workforce and holding down a job, but not if I’m trying to do everything at once. One thing at a time.