October 6, 2015: Three Good Things

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I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with three good things every day, especially when all I do most of the day is sit on the couch and hope my internet connection isn’t going to crap out (spoiler alert: it is, again, and I am not happy). But the point of the exercise is to find the good in a life where not a lot of that happens, so here goes.

1. I’m making good progress on the poem that I have to perform a week from Saturday. I should have it completely memorized by this Saturday, giving me a week to work on perfecting the inflections and delivery. When I finish memorizing it, I’m celebrating my first delivery of the entire thing with no mistakes or pauses with the last cider in the house.

2. I had a serendipitous incident while listening to Pandora tonight. We have a ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic station that plays about 80% comedy music and 20% comedy sketches. Jim Gaffigan was doing a routine on McDonald’s and one of his jokes went along the lines of “Without McDonald’s, how would we know when breakfast ends?” I found that joke infinitely funnier than it would have been around the time the CD was released, because today is the day that McDonald’s rolled all-day breakfast out nationwide and made the joke completely obsolete. The timing was not lost on me and made the whole thing that much funnier.

3. I’ve spent the day in pre-anxiety, with it spilling over full-blown anxiety attacks several times today. Each time I’ve used some coping skill or method of distraction to fight down the anxiety, though I have to admit I did have to take an extra Klonopin earlier in the evening. Today had the potential of being MUCH worse than it was.

Bonus: I’m on track to make it nine days in a row. Yay me.

A Brief Tale of Anxiety

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This morning I awoke at 11:10, after getting about nine and a half hours of sleep. The longer I was awake, the more my mind tried to tell me that I was behind, and that I wouldn’t catch up, and that my checklist streak would be broken.

The more it starting obsessing on that thought, the more anxious I became, to the point that I needed to do a grounding exercise in order to get control of my mind again. I do the  “5 sights / 4 sounds / 3 touches / 2 smells / 1 taste” grounding exercise, and this time I instigated it myself, something of a rarity for me. (Usually my wife notices I need it before I do and starts the exercise on my behalf. She’s observant like that. Hell, she’s observant to the point that she knows I have a headache before I do.) By the time I finish with the grounding exercise, I’m interjecting humor into my responses. This time it happened just after brushing my teeth after breakfast, so when we got to taste (she took over asking the questions after I started in announcing what I could see) the only think I could taste was MINT, so I just blew gently in her face as a response. She put a mock look of shock and awe on her face and said in a croaking voice “Minty!” and by that point I was feeling much better.

The anxiety came back after she left for work, so I did something new to try and alleviate it. I started playing a computer game, forcing myself to push the anxiety to the back burner in order to accomplish something completely irrelevant. Once I had reached a certain point (I finished a particular instanced mission) I let myself take a break and tackle the stuff that my brain was telling me I should. It seems somehow counter-intuitive to switch the roles of leisure and productivity, but it seems to work well for me when the anxiety deals with my lack of overproductivity.

Anyway, I’m back on track, feeling like my day is better balanced than it was when I awoke this morning. On to bigger and better things!

October 5, 2015: Three Good Things

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1. Despite waking up to some bad news (personal stuff, nothing, uh … personal … the situation is under control at this time) my mood was pretty chipper throughout almost the entire day. My computer is beginning to frustrate me and I’m thinking a clean install of Windows might not be a bad idea, but it’s not anything that’s greatly affecting my mood. Sure, I’m not looking forward to the process, but I think it will improve my computer’s performance. Might start that process after my show on Thursday night.

2. During the walks that I’ve been taking recently, I’ve started to get winded well before the end of the lap around the complex. Tonight, I didn’t get winded until after I’d climbed the stairs to come back home. My endurance is getting notably better.

3. Today my cat was especially social, spending almost the entire time my wife was at work on the couch with me. She usually naps for a few hours in the afternoon, then comes out a couple hours before my wife comes home for dinner to cuddle with me on the couch, and then hops up with me off and on after lunch. Today she was right there from the beginning and didn’t much leave until my wife kicked her out of her spot upon coming home for the evening.

Bonus: today is day eight of the complete checklist streak.