June 28, 2015: Three Good Things

Standard

This week, I’ve decided that I’m going to do something different with this feature of my blog. Instead of relating three good things about my day, I’m going to share three good things about myself.

1. I do a lot of stuff around the house. My wife does the majority of the laundry, but I help with folding it and putting it away. She does a lot of the cooking lately, but I almost always clean up afterwards. I do the majority of the deep cleaning (dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, etc.). I maintain our budget and help make sure we stick to it. I usually brush this stuff off, but it helps to take a lot of the pressure off my wife from having to both work and do everyday things around the house.

2. I have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Even during times when we’ve literally had less than $10 to our name I’ve still made donations to others less fortunate than us. We may not be well off financially, but we’ve got a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and clean water to drink, and that’s more than a lot of people around the world can say.

3. Even though I get stage fright, I am an extremely capable public speaker and performing artist, having won awards for my work in the theater and titles in performing arts competitions through my hobby. In addition, I’m a competent master of ceremonies for our awards presentations in that same hobby. I’m also a decent singer and have quite the repertoire of songs that I can perform very well in karaoke.

Paradoxical Thinking

Standard

I was recently able to vocalize a thought process that I regularly have, and that’s gotten me to thinking about it.

The thought process can best be summed up as “I don’t know what I want to do with myself/day/life/etc. but regardless of what it is, I don’t have permission to do it, so it’s a good thing that I don’t know what it is I want to do, because I couldn’t do it anyway.”

So which comes first here, working on giving myself permission to do what’s going to make me happy, or figuring out what will make me happy in the first place?

If I work on giving myself permission, that opens the doors to me pursuing my happiness, but doesn’t point me in the direction of where to find it.

If I try to identify what will make me happy first, then I know where I want to go, but will still be holding myself back from going after it.

If I work on both, however, identifying one thing that will make me happy in the moment, and then allowing myself to do that thing, then I’ll find happiness for a fleeting moment.

And that’s all life is, a series of fleeting moments.

Maybe I should stop writing and go make the most of the one I have right now.


Afterthought: Thinking my way through blog posts sometimes helps me work out problems in real time. This has been a prime example of that. That mechanic is what keeps me blogging.

Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge: Day One

Standard

I would like to thank brightonbipolar for nominating me for this challenge. I’ll do my best.


Day One

different drummer

A wall decal of the above image can be found on singlestonestudio’s Etsy shop.

This is the first quote I can remember ever being given to me as an explanation of my life. My parents gave me a card one year for my birthday with the quote on it, and my mother’s handwriting explaining how my parents felt it always fit me. It fit me especially well that year, since I had taken up drumming lessons and I was having a blast with it. (I still miss drumming.)

This quote has long been with me, close to my heart, as so often with my own quirky personality and my mental diagnoses it was apropos. It has reminded me to be myself and to not attempt to change who I am based on what’s popular at the time. I’ve followed that advice to varying degrees, as there was a time in my life (and still is, to some extent, from time to time) that I wanted to be in the popular crowd. But almost every time that I strayed from Thoreau’s advice, I wound up in pain, because I got hurt either by own clumsy attempts to fit in or (more accurately) others inability to accept me for who I was and especially for who I was trying to become. It took me a long time to learn that I would be happier just being me, so while this quote has held some meaning for me since childhood, it wasn’t until I got older that the depth of its true meaning sunk in. I’m fortunate and thankful that it finally did, because when I started being myself, I found lots of others being themselves alongside me, and somehow I became one of the popular crowd among my newfound friends. I forget that fact from time to time, and my symptoms tell me no one likes me, but rationally speaking, I know I’m well loved in my broad circle of friends and acquaintances.